Being Brave
by TheBlueDragonWolf
Summary: AU Season 10: Being Brave is not always easy, especially for Buffy and Spike. They may look fearless in battle, but their hearts are actually Afraid. They cant be apart, but will they be Brave enought to be together? Writing a summary is hard, i wrote a "long" story so give it a try...it wont hurt you to at least take a look.


_Disclaimer: Buffy the vampire slayer doesnt belong to me(which is probably a good thing, i get the feeling i would mess it up completely)_

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_Hello there unfortunate soul who found this story._

_After many...many years being a fanfiction reader, i finally decided to release my own piece of story. I have written some storys for my favorite tv shows, but i never released them because i never finished them._

_Fanfiction writing is a lot harder to do then i always thought, i never thought that what i wrote is good enough to show._

_I never in my life wrote storys or anything, i never liked it in school. Now however i found myself writing longer forum posts,reviews and so on everywere i am._

_i found that writing is a fun thing to do, its hard but its fun to write down things i imagine. I have 5 stories or so on my pc from different tv shows, this story is actually very new. I thought about it last week and wrote it down. For someone who wrote his very first story ever, i think i did a decent job.  
_

_My very first story will be a Buffy story, which is a only a couple of months since i found myself watching buffy again, i watched the show again do to some random gif i found.  
_

_Its crazy how strong my imagination is, i really could see this story like its an actual episode of the such a strong imagination is really cool sometimes.I can imagine whole movies,games,books and see them in my head how i wanted them to go  
_

_The idea of this story came to me after watching some of the season 6 episodes that involved buffy and spike having "fun":D_

_As a base for the characters i used the end of season 7, i liked how tender and gentle the looked at each other and how soft they seemed._

_Im extremely out of character i think, especially with Spikes speech pattern, as if its not hard enough to get characters right...someone who speaks like Spike is extremely hard._

_I realized that it is not easy to get the characters you see on tv right while writing._

_And dont get me started on dialoge, its even harder then i ever expected to get a great and organic conversation with characters._

**_The Fact that english isnt my first language does the rest._**

_Anyway, i hope its not to complicated and tireing to read, i tried my best, but i dont have any idea what my writing lacks and were i have problems...yet._

_With that said, please enjoy this story at least a little bit._

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_Another side note:_

_Like i said, the story came to me after watching episodes with buffy and spike doing the horizontal tango:D._

_The first part was actually to get my mindset into the whole thing._

_Its based on the coming season 10 comics, im excited for the new comics and hope for a lot of spuffy stuff. You dont need to know about the comics to get into the story, its a AU story afterall._

_Who doesnt like the idea of buffy and spike having sex? NOBODY, so somehow on this outline i created my i guess nobody needs a story or an outline to imagine both of them in bed together:D  
_

_Imagine Buffy and spike having sweaty, heavy breathing sex while the moon shines through the windows._

_Bring in some flashback scenes of their story and you have the first part of my story.  
_

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**_BEING BRAVE_**

Heat…..There was so much Heat.

Her Body felt like it was on fire it burned her like never before.

It was the Fire that HE could start with his Touch and Kiss.

When she didn't felt anything after returning from the dead, it was HIM that made her feel alive….even though he wasn't alive his cold body pressed her into the bed or a wall, this fire burned and changed into Lust all this years ago…..made her feel again.

But this was before, before everything got messed up and drove both of them to a Dark back, she realized that all that happened at that time, as painful as it was, it helped her to grow, become stronger.

But for HIM, the Dark Place swallowed him and almost destroyed HIM.

It made HIM destroy what HE was….for HER.

HE came back something different, HE was not a monster anymore….but a broken shell.

She was the only place left in this world, HE had nothing except his love for her, so HE stayed and fought.

They did their best to work around what happened, they tried to fix what was broken, while they tried to save the trusted HIM again, she was there for HIM….even when HE thought that HE didn't deserve made fall more for her, her Strength and kindness, she showed him a new found a new purpose in live, but more importantly…..HE found himself.

Or at least a part of him, they were in a good place…..but then everything went to HELL.

Looking back, He couldn't have thought of a better way to walk out, HE was her champion, he was there for her when she needed him the most.

Not Angel or Captain Cardboard…..it was HIM….. was the one who saved her and her family, HE saved them all.

What irony, one of the baddest vampires of all time, saves the was only one power strong enough to let somebody do that….LOVE.

For that, for her…HE died gladly, with a smile on his face.

But it wasn't supposed to end there…HE came back.

After they met again, they danced around each other, not really knowing what to couldn't stop loving her, but HE was tired of this back and forth, so HE left to find came back to protect her sister, as good as HE could, to watch over her while the Slayer fought her battle.

After they won, HE decided to stay by their side…..because this was the only place for HIM….whatever that changed from William the Bloody, from SPIKE the slayer of slayers to SPIKE the only Vampire who fought for his Soul and who continues fighting for the good.

Training the young slayers in the academy they have built(thanks to the money the watchers left them) was much more fun then he thought, becoming friends again with Nibblet and enjoying Giles or Xanders company, joining Willow with reading books about demons and monsters…..this was home for him.

Sometimes they looked at him funny, he knew it because he did it too, it irritated him often at how he changed, he always thought being William and Spike would be a "Bloody Stupid Thing", but he never felt more like himself now.

He watched in awe how strong Buffy became after everything that happened in her had help, but still, She was the reason that they could build up this….How Andrew called it "Shield like Organization".

The rest of the Initiative (including Captain Cardboard and his wife) now worked for The Slayer on her terms.

Her strength always amazed him, how hard she fought, never giving up….knowing that he could never be together with her, that was the most painful thing he ever felt.

But there was no way in hell that he could ever stop loving soul burned, the dreams and voices haunted him more then anybody would ever Price he had to pay was high, he woke up sometimes, screaming and trashing…..but no one would ever hear even Angel would understand it, because deep down…Angel was still the monster.

Spike was always something else, with or without soul…. He was always the same man.

Without the Soul, after falling in love with the slayer, he knew that what he did wasn't right, that doesn't mean he cared about what he did, it just meant that he wouldn't do it again.

But the Soul made him aware of the pain he caused, made him see what he had done to all of them.

The Soul brought back the part of him that would never hurt anybody, that part that was looking for LOVE.

No one would ever be able to realize how much pain this soul did to him, how much it made him hate himself for hurting Buffy.

Torture beyond anybodys mind has he endured…..but nothing was as horrible as the soul.

Yet, he never complained, he never wished it away….because it made him realize how much he loves her and how much more he can be with it.

He could deal with it, because he saw her looking at him with a smile on her face, she was joking with him, she was proud when he was teaching the young slayers or watchers.

It made him love her even more, seeing that he is the reason she is smiling was the greatest gift anybody could ever make him.

They were both not sure were they could go from here. Both were strong but their hearts were not, they were looking for love but didn't knew how.

HE only started to realize what love really meant, how love is supposed to be.

Not angry, not full of rage or pain.

She learned not to trust her heart, too fragile was hers, to easy to capture.

They tried their best to stay away from each other….but failed.

In England they met Drusilla again, she was more then surprised to see him again…with a soul.

She talked about destiny, true love, some kind of fairy said that it was just her being crazy, but deep down, both knew that she saw others must have seen it, Dawn made comments about them, and Willow did too.

Giles tried harder then ever before to show Spike the right way in the Tender moments, the way both of them stood closer together then necessary.

The long looks between them.

The way her Hand stroke his cheek after a battle, they way he got angry at her after she broke her ribs after a fall.

And how he was the only one who could stop her from walking around wounded, his touch stopped her from screaming at anybody because they just wanted to help her.

Slowly but steady, the got Kisses followed but they never talked about it, they danced around each other but the dance was a close one day the dance was over.

This time it wasn't pure lust or anger, it wasn't because she wanted to feel something…it was because…..it felt right.

It wasn't fast and hard, they didn't try to hurt each other, it was slow and passionate.

In the night, when they were alone, only then they both allowed themselves to be brave.

So she didn't complain about the heat, because she was brave and didn't feared the Heat…..neither the Heat from their joined bodies, neither the heat from their joined hearts….because here in his arms, under the shadows of the night….She was Brave.

* * *

Buffy was Close, He knew it. He could feel how her body shook with every movement.

The way her eyes rolled into her head and how her Hands tried to grab a hold on the Back of his head and his upper arm. He wanted to see it happen, so his movement became faster and harder, just as she whispered, almost gasping.

His breathing grew more erratic, just as hers.

He shouldn't need to breath, "his" kind is supposed to feel nothing, but that was a lie.

He felt everything, Her touches send a shiver down his spine, Her kisses burned his body and made him feel alive again.

She called his name, it started with a whisper but growing louder, more demanding with each thrust. Soon his lips shouted her name over and over again. He loved the way her name rolled off his tongue, Her name sounded like she was the only woman in the world to him. At night, when they were alone, only when the moon was the only witness of they way their bodies joined, only then he dared to show her that she was everything to him. When the moon was the only light in his room, he could pretend she was his. Only when the night sky and the stars made the moon shine the brightest, he was brave enough to love her again.

There was so much heat…

The sheets clinged to their naked bodies as they moved their hot and sweaty bodies together.

Her Body Screamed for more, wanted to be closer to his warm body.

Why was his body so warm?

Was it because of the heat around them, the heat their joined bodies created.

Or was it because of the Soul, the very thing he fought for….to be hers?

It didn't matter, the only thing that mattered was that she wanted more.

Touch him more, Kiss him more, she pressed her fingernails deeper into his back to bring him closer to her.

He pressed her deeper into the bed, wet and sloppy open mouth kisses took their breaths away as they moved together in the night.

It didn't mattered why there was so much heat…

"Buffy, Look at me" he demanded, although his voice and eyes were gentle and soft. He watched her as she forced her eyelids open, Dark blue eyes looked at him. Neither of them would have been able to take his eyes of the other, even if the wanted to.

"Spike" she Whispered with trembling lips and he knew she was almost there. His hand gently touched the side of her face, without taking their eyes off each other, he entwined the fingers of hand with his right one.

"I've got you, Let Go." he whispered as he leaned down to kiss her gently. And then…with a few thrusts, they came together, calling each others names with their eyes still locked. It took them both some moments to calm down, their bodies still joined and covered with sweat.

They knew that suddenly something had changed between them.

It was not just Sex between them anymore, but maybe it was always something more.

There had always been a certain attraction and chemistry between them,

But tonight, both of them looking into each others eyes, staring into their souls, something had changed. Ever since the first night they slept together again, there was a difference to before.

It happened after they celebrated their win over a new big evil that threatened the world.

Since they were many now, they were able to do something like that.

They had soldiers and fighters on their side, Buffy and her Friends were finally able to enjoy their victories.

All night long they stole glances at each other, they smiled at each other.

As the night dragged on, more any more left the celebration, so did Buffy.

Spike joined her, the gentleman he was(sometimes) walked her to her room.

It was one of those few moments were they got really close to each other, most of the time somebody would interrupt their moment…..but not that night.

Buffy thanked Spike for his help in the fight and training the young slayers.

She kissed his cheek softly, as Buffy pulled away their eyes met and this one kiss was not enough anymore.

Since that night three months ago, they found themself in the arms of each other.

When their breathings returned back to normal, Spike rolled off her and laid down on his back.

Spike pulled Buffy into his side. She adjusted to her new position, throwing her leg over his and using the crook of his neck as a pillow.

The Vampire was afraid of losing her and what they had once the silence ended. He would never admit it but their shared nights were often the safest for him.

There was not much that held the nightmares back, most of the nights he dreamed about Buffy, her face that smiled at him could take the nightmares away, but still it were just dreams and once he woke up, the sheets would feel ice cold and he would be lonely again.

But in nights like these, the bed would be warm until the morning and it would smell like her.

Sometimes it was him who visited her, they never gone to each other just to sleep together, they wanted to talk about things…..something they were not really comfortable to do before. But tonight, she came to him to be close, to feel the warmth of his body...

Spike looked around in his bedroom, He knew that They both had opened a door to something again they weren't entirely sure if they were ready for it. He could handle the sex.

Being just friends when they were something like lovers at night, This he could handle.

But if there was a chance to be more, could he handle this?

Her moving beside him pulled Spike from his thoughts as he watched her sit up. He touched the side of her face gentle with his hand and rubbed her cheek with his thumb, He wondered if she felt the same warmth spread through her body.

They looked into each others eyes, Spike broke the silence.

"Where are you going?" The Vampire asked, his voice was sweet but shaky.

He was scared for a moment at she would do or say but to his surprise, she smiled softly. "Need a glass water" After saying that she stood up and Grabbed some of her clothes. He watched Buffy dressing herself, only her underwear and the black tank top, that was all she had on when she stood in front of his room. At the Door she stood still for a moment before turning around and smiling at him.

"Are you coming?"

He let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding.

Fast and a little bit clumsy he stood up and grabbed the sweatpants he wore when he was going to sleep.

His heart felt like it would beat rapidly in his chest, he had no idea what to make with those new feelings, this closeness. Those Feelings he had been able to suppress more or less successful…..until now. It scared him more then anything because he wasn't sure if he wanted those feelings to be buried again. He wished –no he knew that she must have felt this change between them too.

Now the question that remained was: Were they brave enough to do something about it?

Without making any noise, Spike followed Buffy through the mansion.

He watched with a smile how she walked in front of him with that skimpy panties and the tight tank top, her hair pulled into a lazy ponytail.

It felt so intimate to see her walking around like that, she felt "safe" enough around him like this.

They were both sure that nobody else would be around so it didn't matter what they wore.

After Buffy drank her glass water and Spike his mug full of milk(he began enjoying more then just blood or booze to drink after getting his soul back)

They made their way up to his room again, stopping in front of his door.

Both of them didn't really know what to say or how to act, it seemed like they were in a complete new situation now.

Spike looked down on her while she had her eyes on the ground, this felt really strange for them.

After some moments that felt too long, Buffy slowly rested her shaking hands on Spikes hips, still looking at the ground.

She held him in a soft but steady grip and breathed deep.

He looked at her and spoke softly her name.

"Buffy"

Spike didn't mean for his voice to be so full of emotion when he said her name, but he couldn't stop it.

The small woman lifted her head and kissed Spikes lips tender almost afraid.

Spike would never in his unlife get tired of kissing her in any kind of way and situation, it was still a mystery how this woman could make him feel so alive.

Slowly as if she didn't really want to do it, Buffy stepped back, trying to keep her lips on Spikes for as long as possible.

She opened her eyes and looked up at Spike, who stood there and just stared at her, not knowing what to do or say.

As she spoke, her voice was almost like a whisper.

"Goodnight, Spike." She said, and before he knew it she was gone in her room at the end of the floor.

Even an Hour later, Spike was still wide awake in his bed.

The Night has left him very confused, he just couldn't find sleep.

It began like every Tuesday night, When they weren't out patrolling, Spike was in the living room to watch his favourite Shows.

The young slayers or in general most people around him thought it was pretty funny for someone like him to watch so much TV.

And sometimes there were days when he needed to agree, when he was sitting in the living room surrounded by young girls and was watching TV shows, those were the days were he asked himself: _What the Hell is going on with me?_

Never in a million years he would have thought that such days would ever come for one of the meanest vampires around.

This night however, he had been alone in the living room.

It was earlier then on most days, but it was still late when he walked to his room.

Spike was surprised when he had found her sitting at the edge of his bed.

He hadn't expected her at all that night, but the slayer was always good for surprises.

At first he thought that she wanted to talk with him about slayer stuff or anything.

She found that Spike opinions on certain things were surprisingly thoughtful,

But that was not what Buffy had in mind that night.

He tried to rattle her up with the way he is known to do, tried to steal a smile from her…but Buffy threw him of his game by taking her sleeping pants off.

That was enough to get him distracted but as she pressed her lips to his, he was completely gone.

The only thing that was left was **HER**, on his mind was nothing but the smell and taste of **HER**.

And that was how it started and what led him to were he was now, lying awake surrounded by **HER** smell, the warmth of the sheets and he wondered what had happened, what that night meant and what would come next.

When he woke up, it was earlier then he would have liked it to be.

He could hear the birds singing and could smell the morning in the air.

"Not a good time for a vampire" He made his way down to the kitchen of the mansion after he had taken a shower and got dressed.

He already could hear the trampling and stomping when he open the door of his room.

Groaning he made his way down, greeted by constant babbling and chatting of young girls and people walking by.

Once he reached the Kitchen, Spike made himself a fresh mug of pig ran his free hand trough his messy hair, it was still a little bit often then not he decided to shed his usual look, he didn't wear his duster as often and he let his hair be wilder.

As he ran his hand trough his bleached hair he remembered the nights were she grabbed his hair to bring him down to kiss her, to hold it scared him how much he changed for her, but then again…..he wasn't very fond with who he was before.

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard the gang enter the big kitchen.

They were quite surprised to see Spike there in those early hours.

Willow was the first to speak.

"Hey Spike, what are you doing already up….I mean not that there is anything wrong with you being up…..ehm, well you know…its just, you're a vampire."

"Morning to you too Red." Spike answered chuckling.

"Good Morning." She mumbled.

"So Spike, did you found out something new from your new buddies last night or did you just got drunk with them?"

Xander asked.

"Hey, it's not easy to build up new connections around here, those gits are all suspicious and careful. Don't know which head to bash in or not.

Drinking with them helps a whole lot." Spike Answered.

"I'm sure it helps, seems like you can only get people to like you when they are drunk!"

"Oi, Watch it whelp, I don't see you doing a whole lot of work around here."

The Vampire Barked back.

"I'm doing a lot of things, I…:"

Dawn interrupted them.

"Hey, its too early for you guys to annoy us, keep it down."

With a quiet "Yes" both bit their tongues.

They were talking about what to do next with those "Demon" problems they had currently.

A pack of demons, some fellows who looked like those Lord of the rings guys with the robes.

Andrew talked about them but Spike couldn't care less about this things.

Spike stood at the counter of the kitchen as Buffy Arrived.

She was beautiful, with her hair let down, almost no make-up except a little bit that highlighted her eyes and the red long sleeve she wore so many times.

At first nothing seemed different then any other day, she gave nothing away, she never did.

Only when their eyes met, he could see that she felt the change too. Her eyes were like an open book to him, He could read so much in them, they where the key to her soul.

Buffy broke their eye contact before her eyes could give away more. Instead she turned to the others, _the people who Spike completely turned out while looking at her_, to wish them a good morning with a radiant smile on her face.

He couldn't take his eyes of her, she could feel them on her.

"How should we find them if we don't know who they are and what they want.

There must be a reason why the destroyed those medieval shops and stuff.

Maybe they are looking for something." Xander observed while he read in one of the books.

"Maybe the search the one ring." Andrew whispered, the others just rolled their eyes.

"Come on guys, at least I have a theory."

"Yeah and its one of the dumbest I've ever heard."

"Hey, do you have a better one Xander?" Andrew asked frowning.

"No, but anything makes more sense then this."

Spike ignored their banter while Willow and Dawn searched through the books they had.

"Here it is I think." Dawn said after a while. "I cant read it, but that creepy drawing looks like them."

"Its very old, even I have trouble reading it." Willow said reaching over to take the book.

"How old is it?" Buffy asked "The looked pretty messed up when we saw them two days ago"

Spike nodded behind them. "Probably 500 years or so, that's why they wore those ugly robes, under them they are nothing more then rotten bones and flesh."

"Well they were strong enough for you!" Xander said.

Spike defended himself "Bollocks, they just surprised me, they were not that strong."

"That one thing punched you through a wall."

"Pff, it was not a thick wall, so whets the big deal?" He asked.

"Its a big deal when they can throw you around." Xander explained calmly. "I'm just saying we should be careful"

Spike shook his head smiling "I Appreciate the concern for my well being Mate."

"I'm concerned for them, not for you. They can punch you around a little bit, fang boy" Xander teased him.

"Hey, what did I say." Dawn interrupted.

It surprised Spike every time how much Dawn grown up in those last three years.

Like Everybody she has gone through much, but she was a Summers and they would make it through everything becoming stronger and stronger.

"Alright, I got it" Willow said when she finished taking notes. They all looked at her and waited for her to explain.

"They are called Nazarogs. Demons that are bound to a oath made to an Old demon King.

After that Demon king died, a human king found his sword and made them swear to him, forever being his slaves.

We heard little of those Nazarogs because they are just passing by so to speak." Willow stated after a few moments of walking in silence.

"Passing by?" Buffy said.

"Willow, have you seen what they did...that's not passing by.

They murder people."

"Yes, because they are looking for the sword of the light. It belonged to their King...two thousand years ago.

That's all they want, they aren't really evil, the only thing they want is the sword of their king."

"What Creeps, talk about warriors honor." Spike pressed out under his breath as he turned around to clean his empty mug.

"It doesn't matter what their reason is, we need to stop them right now."

Buffy's voice showed no emotion and Spike didn't risk turning around as he heard her voice near him.

Buffy has walked over to were Spike stood to take a mug out of the cupboard.

He didn't want to risk looking into her eyes. The eyes that always told the truth. Spike was scared of what he would see in them, or what he wouldn't see there, especially after last night.

"Do you have a plan?" He asked over his back.

Buffy shook her head. "No, not yet"

He knew that tone, she didn't had a plan yet, but she was thinking about something reckless.

"Do we have anything on that sword they are looking for? Xander asked.

"Some of the girls look into it, but I think we have more luck if we ask some "shady" people." Willow said quietly while looking at Spikes back.

He could feel their eyes on his back and sighed.

"Really, you got all those people walking around, you got magic and stuff, but want me to go digging in the dirt with some demon wankers who probably don't know anything."

"Yes" The all said together.

"Bloody Hell, all right I will look into it."

He wasn't really looking forward to it, most of the demon bars he visited around here were stranger then he expected.

The demons in there were strange fellows, and when he said strange he meant it.

"Preferable now." Xander said.

"NOW?" Spike threw out startled and turned around.

They all nodded in unison.

"Yes, I mean you can use the tunnels and all, so there shouldn't be a problem with, you know...burning." Willow explained.

Spikes frown didn't make willow any more confident.

"Oh I get it, send the vampire out there to the creeps and let him rattle up the cage.

They are already suspicious, if anything happens then I cant even escape because I will get grilled when something goes wrong…..bugger this."

Spike would have continued with his rambling, if Buffy wouldn't have grabbed his upper arm.

"We need to stop them….tonight." Buffy's voice was warm and soft, it was no surprise to anybody.

Barking Orders at him certainly could help, but Buffy didn't like doing that to him.

With somebody else Buffy would have tried to reason with them or so, but with Spike it was easy. They understood each other without using many words.

The Vampire sighed "15 minutes" He said.

"I will go in 15 minutes and look what I can find out."

With that they continued their research in the kitchen while Spike walked into the weapons chamber.

When he came back 10 minutes later, everybody was scrambled around in the big had some daggers, knifes and stakes with trusted his fists, but it was better to have a plan B, just in case.

Being equipped under the teeth with pointy weapons would help getting the information he needed.

"So" He began unexcited.

"I'm off to meet God knows what, to find out about Hooded nutjobs who only want a sword. I wished this would be the strangest thing I ever did…but its not."

Dawn jumped up from her chair and walked over to him.

"Do you need any help, im sure there a some of the soldiers or slayers around. The would love to go with you."

Spike smiled at her, he glanced over her shoulder to the others.

"Ah, don't worry nibblet." He said loud enough.

"I will be alright, but appreciate the concern, at least one shows some sympathy for a poor fellow here."

The others waved their hands lazy at The Vampire.

"Sometimes I really want to eat them."

Dawn laughed.

"No you don't, your too much of a softy nowadays."

The Vampire sighed.

"Ah, I guess I am….Damn it, now I really need to kill something, some ugly fellow better gets on my nerves soon."

"Yeah yeah, just take care of yourself, you better come back in one piece." Dawn said while giving the vampire a soft hug.

He was sure that one of the summer's women would be the death of him one day, they always could get under his skin, in different ways.

"You know me nibblet, always coming back."

Dawn let him go and walked over to the others, as Spike is about to walk away, Buffy suddenly stands right next to him, grabbing his arm again.

She holds his arm so tight, its as if she's almost afraid to let him go.

For some time they stand opposite to each other, looking at each other.

Buffy's throat was dry and tight, as she spoke it was almost a whisper.

"Be careful." Nothing more and nothing less.

But the fact that she only let go of his arm very slowly, spoke more then any word.

Spike looked at her soft, his blue eyes seemed to shine bright.

"I will." Then he was gone…and Buffy felt cold.

The Whole mansion seemed to be empty expect for the scoobies when Spike returned early afternoon. He found them in the squad room, were they make plans and stuff before they go out to kill demons and other things.

As He entered the room he was sure that he saw Buffy let out a breath in relieve.

They all have gathered around to see if they found out more about the Nazarog demons.

Spike tried to make eye contact a few times but Buffy's eyes stayed locked on the book she had in her hands, with a sigh he gave up. He was at the end of his knowledge with the new development in their "relationship."

The other came up empty handed with their research, but thankfully Spike had found out something.

It took a lot of his patience and good will to get the information.

"_It was worth it, but the next time I see that dirtbag…..he will eat through a straw"_ Spike thought thinking back at his "investigation"

He had too swallow his anger and wait for another time when he could pay that filthy demon back for what he said to him today…..but it was worth it.

"I'm beat" Dawn said tired.

"My eyes hurt from all this book reading, are the still not finished adding all this stuff to our super computer, the thing was expensive….now all it does is standing around."

"Yup, this is not helping anything. Cant we just do it the old fashion way and punch some heads in." Xander whined.

"This is the "Old fashioned" way Xander." Willow answered.

"Look Spike here has probably found something out." Willow looked at him almost pleading.

The vampire smiled at her and nodded softly.

"Thankfully I was much more useful then snake pliskin here."

"Bite me."

"One day I will."

"What have you found out?" Buffy interrupted.

They stared at each other and the whole room suddenly felt like it was filled with electricity.

The others either ignored it or couldn't feel the changed air around them, but Buffy and Spike could feel it.

It was Buffy who broke the eye contact and looked down onto her hands.

"Right." Spike with a cough.

"So those nastys are really looking for this sword of light."

"Aha" Willow said "I was right, there you go, old language zero, Willow one."

"That's not all." Spike said.

"Sorry."

"Don't worry Red."

"Anyway, they know that this sword is around here somewhere, but they don't know where."

"Its here? Where?" Xander Asked.

"I was about to tell you that" Spike growled.

"The sword is in the museum."

"No, I checked the museum records already." Willow said opening her laptop.

"It must be under a different name, im sorry….I will check it again…..that."

"Don't bother Red, you wont find it there."

"Why not?" Dawn asked raising the eyebrows.

"The museum has another part that no human has ever seen, There is some kind of demon museum part that is hidden.

That is why those nastys can't find the sword, they know and feel that its here, but they can't reach it."

"A demon museum, what in the hell is in there, and how do we get into it" Wanted Xander know.

Spike smiled wicked.

"What's in there, I don't know…but I know how we get in there."

After he told them how to get into the museum and were it was, the others made plans, While he looked to where Buffy was.

But to his surprise she was already gone, he didn't saw her walk out.

He asked himself if she was trying to avoid any chance of being alone with him, all this thinking and guessing started to really annoyed Spike, yes it pissed him off.

He needed to take his mind off all this, and the only available way was to kill something.

With a Growl he walked towards the weapons chamber.

"_I told him that he would get to know the real me one day, guess this day is as good as any other day."_

Buffy needed a break.

Last night had been...intense, no that was an understatement. There were so many Feelings inside her, emotions that she thought she buried for good. Emotions she only had allowed to come up under shadow of the night. Buffy had suppressed those feelings in order to protect herself. And she actually felt like she had done that pretty good those last months. But today had been so very hard. She was hardly able talk to talk to Spike.

More then anything she had hoped that after all this time, after everything that happened….He would have stopped having those feelings for her.

Over and over he had mad his feelings for her clear, yet she always assumed that one day he wouldn't feel the same way.

But he was different wasn't he?There had always been that special connection between the two of them.

After he won his soul, this connection seemed to get even deeper then before.

Since he came back to fight along her side, what they knew as personal space was gone for them. All those months now, it felt like they were drawn to each other, like magnets.

They always looked for each other, always made sure that the other was safe.

She could feel him when he was around, and he could feel her.

Long time she thought it was some kind of vampire radar, but with Spike it was more then times they reached for the other, eyes and hands lingered longer on each other,They just never acted on this.

But one night, they had let it happen. She remembered that day.

She didn't plan on sleeping with him, but as he entered his room and they stared into each others eyes, everything felt different.

That night felt like a dream, she couldn't remember the night clearly but it was pretty clear what happened after she woke up in his bed.

They acted at first like it never happened, but Spike had shown up at her room a week later, in the middle of a rainy night.

Buffy didn't know how long they had stared at each other, but she knew that this wasn't going to be the last night they would share when he stepped, cradled one hand behind her head and kissed her with all he had. This night she could remember clearly, this night they'd had sex without anger, without the intent to hurt the other. They never spoke of it, but it continued that way.

But last night, something changed between them….again.

She realized when Spike suddenly asked her to look at him, grabbed her face so gentle, Suddenly it had not just been sex anymore.

It wasn't just two bodies moving together in a hot and sweaty rhythm, Suddenly, they made love.

And this was something that scared her extremely. What should she do now with this new development? Was she even ready for it? She was "happy" with the fact that for her, a life with somebody would be out of her reach.

This "THING"…..whatever it was between her and Spike was something she could handle under the cover of the night. But would she be able to handle it when it was more?

It had been one of the worst plans she had ever made…she knew that.

As she lured the Nazarog demons into the museum she knew it was had underestimated them and what they could do, and it almost got her killed…and the others.

She was careless and arrogant, she even let one of them get to the sword…..a big mistake.

A rookie mistake…but she needed the fight tonight, she needed this to end and she needed to kill something.

Who could have foreseen that those demons would merge into one big skeleton warrior once one of them would get to the sword.

She had been angry at Spike, because he cared more about her being safe then fighting the demon.

Stupid vampire, what good has done that to him? He got slammed through the thick stone floor because he didn't react as she was stabbed with that sword.

Luckily the sword wasn't really hurting "humans", it was mainly for demons.

So the stabbing wound wasn't as dangerous as it had looked.

The Demons got killed and everybody survived with some bruises or cuts.

But nobody was prepared for Spikes outburst as they returned to the mansion.

As the Doctors looked at Buffy and the others, Spike, who had been very tight lipped and full of tension exploded finally.

Nobody has seen Spike so angry before, he was screaming around and burst out of the door full of rage.

He left everybody behind full of shock at his knew that there was more behind of that outburst, he was struggling like herself.

Nobody dared to talk to him as he marched through the mansion.

His jaw was clenched and he was almost growling, his blue eyes were stormy and full of anger.

He walked into the training room and started hitting the sandbags with such a force that he soon had to use another one.

He was beyond angry…way beyond it."How could she be so stupid, what did she think would happen?" He screamed.

Spike didn't knew what made him more angry, the fact that she let them get to the sword or that she let herself get stabbed.

She was sloppy tonight, sloppy and careless….she was the slayer but that didn't mean she was invincible.

Didn't she think about what could have happened, she could have died again because of her foolish thinking.

What would have done that?

Did she thought about Dawn, about Willow….did she though about HIM?If she would have died, he would have never been able to tell her.

His punches suddenly stopped, his eyes widened.

"I never told her"

Within a second all seemed pretty clear now.

What difference would it made?

Hiding his feelings for her didn't work! He didn't stop thinking about her, he didn't stop fighting with and for her….He didn't stop LOVING her.

So why did he decided to hold it in? They are finally in a good place…..so why waste so much time not knowing what could be?

What would he lose…..he already Loved her more then anything in this world.

If he would fall, then so be it.

He didn't knew how this would end, but he knew _it was time to be brave_

She would have never expected Spike to get so angry, she had seen him angry and full of rage…but this had been something new.

It had something terrifying to see him like this.

But what scared her more was the look on his face as the sword stabbed her.

His face was so full of pain and agony, it pained her greatly to see that she was the cause of this.

She sat there and look at the scythe in front of her, her bruised knuckles traced over the blade.

She had wanted a real fight, but she didn't expect it to be so fighting gave her time to think….about her and was what she was good at, but she was not good at other when she was thinking about her and Spike, she found herself asking:"Why not?"

She was not the little girl anymore, or the lost slayer that was raised from the finally knew who and what she why was she so scared about her and Spike?

Buffy shook her head, how many things in her life were so complicated just because she was not brave enough to face them head on?

She fought the scariest things night after night, it was time to face other things also like couldn't go on with Spike like this, it wasn't fair for either one of needed to do something about this….tonight.

He was the one man that always stood by her side, even as she didn't want him gave up everything to become a better man, so that he could stay with her.

Maybe he could be more for her, she certainly felt something for him.

Something that was strong even though she tries to tone it down.

Whatever it was that was going on between her and Spike, she needed to know it TONIGHT.

Buffy had no idea how to do this, but she knew that _it was time to be brave_

Her heart fell when she opened the door to his room and nothing but darkness and silence greeted her. The room looked empty as the moon shined his light through the window. This was not what she had expected….But then again, _what had she expected to find In HIS room? _ Spike sitting there and just waiting for her to show up so he could apologize for being angry?

A humourless smile escaped her lips, did she really thought that Spike would be there for her whenever she wants just so he could get a little crump?

Of course he wouldn't be there, sooner or later they would all leave.

She shook her head slowly as a lone tear ran down her cheek. Angry she wiped it away, she found herself foolish, Buffy Summers had actually allowed herself to hope that she could get her chance to be happy.

She thought she could have that with The man she thought who loved her unconditionally and would never leave her life.

How foolish of her, maybe she was wrong to think that.

Maybe she does not deserve to be loved.

Buffy was tired and defeated as she reached the training room. She just wanted everything go away.

She thought that she could deal with this all in her own way, she wanted to train until her body gave up from it should not be. As she stepped into the room she could feel eyes fell onto his sitting form. Spike sat at the ground and cradled the Amulet she gave him three years ago.

The one that burned him to ashes as her had changed his clothes, the torn and dirt, black shirt was he wore a red shirt.

His hair was messy again, he had ran his hands through it countless times.

She just stood there as if he had felt her eyes on him, he turned his head slowly and in an instant their eyes locked.

Buffy blinked a few times, not really knowing if she was dreaming or not. Even if she tried, it would have been impossible to stop her legs from moving towards him.

"You're an idiot, and a bonehead" His voice was rough, as if he hadn't spoken since hours.

She certainly didn't expect that.

"Excuse me?" She answered raising an eyebrow.

"You heard me." Spike stood up and threw the amulet away.

"_Great start you idiot"_ He thought.

He didn't want to be angry at her, but he couldn't help it at this point.

It was impossible to get the picture of her out of his head.

"What was going through that thick skull of yours, have you lost your mind?"

"I had it under control….."

"Bollocks, you didn't had anything under control, what did you think would happen once they got the sword? That they would walk away all happy?" He interrupted.

"I don't need you to tell me how to fight my battles."

Now Buffy was angry, she crossed her arms in front of her.

This was good, maybe this tension between them was gone and they could go all this deep thinking was a waste of time.

"You were the one who got knocked down mister, I killed the big, scary skeleton.

It was you who was careless…not me."

"BECAUSE I THOUGHT HE KILLED YOU" Spike Screamed.

There it was again, his blue eyes that could look right into her made her heart beat faster, the way he looked at her, made her throat eyes were always so full of life, but since he had a soul, she could read in didn't hide anything as he was looking at her right now.

"I don't need you to be my knight in shinning armour." She thought he couldn't hear her, but in an instant he was right in front of eyes looked so hurt, his laugh was humourless.

"Of course not, because im not the great Angel."_Were did that come from?_

"What?" Buffy asked, her tone icy.

"What more do you want from me, huh, I don't know what or who you expect me to be. I'm not Angel, but im the one who is here right now….so what do you want me to do?" The vampire asked, almost had no idea were this came from, it was months ago that Angel visited the last time.

Nothing indicated that there was something between them, but yet…..he couldn't shake the feeling off.

Spike was at the end of his rope, he reached for straws, and Angel was one of those.

It was easier to see Angel as the reason why she was **afraid** to be together with him.

It didn't hurt as the other was scared that **HE** wasn't good enough for was afraid that even after the soul and everything else, she just couldn't love all scared him too much…..so he threw some nasty things at her.

"Do you want me to act like him, talk like him?"

"Is that why you don't want to talk to Faith?" His voice grew louder.

"Stop it?" Buffy whispered looking at the ground.

But Spike was too far into it to stop.

"That the reason why you came to me that night?"

Wide eyes stared at him.

"Did you imagine Angel all this nights?" His voice almost broke.

"Spike" She almost begged.

"Could you only enjoy it when you closed your eyes and thought about him while you were lying beneath me?"

He only saw her fist when it was too late, the punch knocked him right on his stupid ass.

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" She screamed at him icy, she sounded exhaust, her heavy breathing was the only sound in the air.

Spike knew he had gone too far, he knew that he blew his only chance.

He was a bloody idiot to think that there could be more, if she wouldn't mess it up, he would do it for sure.

And why should Buffy even think about him, all he knew from love was destructive kind of learned much in this three years, but the one thing he desired the most….terrified him more then it was better to Love her from afar, he didn't want to hurt her was furious at the stupid Vampire sitting in front of her.

Why did he bring up Angel in all of this, Angel had nothing to do with anything.

She would never be able to erase her time with him, or how she felt.

Everything that happened with Angel made her the woman she was was the Past, what was Spike thinking when he tried to drag the past between them?

With every word of him she had been getting angrier and it hurt to think that she would use him as a replacement for Angel.

She just wanted him to stop talking, stop hurting each other…but he didn't stop.

He gone too far, and Buffy just snapped.

She had punched him a lot harder then she wanted to, her knuckles actually she had felt to much anger to however, she didn't felt good about it.

This was a mess, they were a mess.

She looked at the vampire sitting on the ground, he looked at the eyes stared lost at the mattress beyond looked so lost, she could see that he knew that he said some stupid would be easy to walk out now, to forget about their mess….but she couldn' didn't want that anymore, this was not how it would continue between them.

"Why does everybody assume its all about Angel?" She said harshly.

"How many times do I have to make it clear that there cant be more between him and me?"

Spikes defeated voice was rough and emotionless as he laughed.

"There's a difference between cant and wont Luv."

"Yes there is." Buffy answered.

"If there was a chance for you to be together with him, you would take it in a heartbeat…I know you too well."

Spike closed his eyes, he just wanted this to be over.

"No you don't,"

"You know me, I give you that." She chuckled humourless.

"You know more about me then anybody else, but you don't know my heart."

"I'm pretty sure:…."

"You don't know it because I always tried to bury it, I didn't even knew it myself anymore" Buffy interrupted.

"I loved Angel with all my heart, I killed him even though it broke me.

It hurt so much that I told myself that I would never love anybody like this."

Now there was no turning back anymore, it was time to be brave.

She never felt more defenceless than in this very moment.

The moment were she opened her heart completely and accepted it.

"I thought that I would do a pretty good job at that, I made mistakes and got hurt but I didn't let myself completely fall, so it was good.

What we had was a mess, it was just wrong for both of us."

"Yet it was different." She tried to explain.

"What I felt when I was together with you was many things, but not love.

It made me feel alive when everything else felt dead.

But it was still a mess because both of us were in a strange place."

"That's an understatement" Spike said, but Buffy ignored him.

"After you came back with your Soul, I was confused.

You gave everything up for this Soul.

When the others left me, You stayed….even as you thought that there was no chance of you being more to me."

Her throat felt dry as she spoke.

"Whenever I needed you, you were there for me.

You had your own demons, but you fought mine by my side."

Buffy shook her head.

"I cant walk around any longer with this buried heart, I wont accept the idea of a life without love anymore.

Yes, I'm Angels **girl**, I will it be forever…we are destined to be together."

Her voice almost broke, as she saw Spike sitting there.

This was what he was expecting, yet it hurt even more then he thought.

Hearing her declaring her everlasting love for Angel was almost unbearable.

"But im not this **Girl** anymore." Buffy said.

"Buffy the **girl** was Angel's true love, but she is gone forever.

I'm not the same foolish **girl** I was, who I am now is Somebody else.

No, I cant love Angel because my heart and my soul belongs to someone else."

Spikes blue eyes stared at her like nobody else looked at her before.

He searched her eyes, afraid yet full of hope what he would read in them.

Slowly he stood up, his legs walked on their own, he stood right in front of her.

The moonlight made her glow, He never saw anything more beautiful then her.

Buffy felt her heart beating rapidly against her chest, every inch of her body ached to just reach up and kiss him. But she didn't dare to do so. She was too afraid that he wouldn't believe her. Too afraid that he would walk away from her.

"Spike..." she breathed when his gaze became even more intense.

The Vampire cupped her cheek with his hand and Buffy leaned into his touch.

"Don't be terrified." She whispered.

Spike tried to say something, but he couldn't make the slightest sound, no word or expression was strong enough to make clear how he felt, so he did the only thing he could…he kissed Buffy.

Buffy had never been kissed so gentle and lovingly before. It was such a soft kiss, filled with nothing but love.

She never felt so strong yet weak before, her head was spinning and she felt like the world on fire.

Never in her life she felt so alive as in this moment.

Spike pulled away and they stared at each other.

Buffy took his hand, without breaking eye contact they walked through the mansion and up to the door of her room.

Even though he didn't had a beating heart, it felt like it pounded rapidly.

"I..." he started but suddenly his voice gave out again.

All his life and unlife, he was looking for Love.

He thought he knew enough about it when he fell in love with Buffy, but this was nothing compared to what he was feeling wanted to say something, but he just couldn't was so overwhelmed by all of kissed her over and over again, soft and gentle.

Her heart was racing so fast in her chest, after all those years, she was finally able to let herself get drown in this feeling.

He struggled to find the right words as Buffy grabbed the side of his face softly with both of her hands.

"I Love you." Said Spike, his words sounded so honest and gentle.

She lowered Spikes head to hers until both of their foreheads touched each other.

What they had now, felt so soft and gentle. It was something they needed to get used to, both of them were not used to be like this.

But now they could get used to it, because there was no curse, no apocalypse or anything that would keep them apart.

There was no Reason for them to hold back anymore.

"Spike…." She whispered.

"I…lo…love….you" Her voice was shaking, she feared that he wouldn't believe her.

Maybe she felt it already the last time, but this time she knew that it was the truth.

She said it to Spike because it was the truth, not because he was dying or because the world could end….she said it because **she loves him**.

Spike grabbed her waist as he pulled her in for a passionate kiss.

They didn't knew what the next days and nights would bring or how their future would look like.

What they knew however was that they had a chance to have what they always wanted.

They would face it all together, whatever would happen.

Because when it comes to Love, the hardest and yet the easiest thing to do is **BEING BRAVE. **

* * *

So, that is my very first story.

**Above all else, writing this story has given me new respect for any other fanfiction able to throw out better chapters like this on a weekly base is phenomenal. You all have my utter respect for that...you guys are fantastic.I hope that i can be at least half as good one day.**

Im curious if this story has down more to people then to bore them.

If i messed up or something, let me know it if you want. If you have tips for me what i could do better or what is should do different...im all ears and eyes:)

I hope that with this story i will finally be able to unleash the imagination i have all the time.

Until then, good day ladies and gentleman.


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